Interesting topic last night at my group of friends.
One I could certainly relate to, as I am certain most folks can.
The idea of never being satisfied.
This notion of never having the best or enough of the best isn't merely an alcoholic or addict's
problem, it is a human condition. We live day in, day out, not knowing when we will leave this
existence and we get pleasure from enjoying the material world. We know it's not the solution,
and we try and put it away, but truth be told, the material world does ease the pain of suffering
to a certain extent. It does not solve the problem though....and it's easy to get caught up in the
idea that more will make me feel better. The difference between the obvious issues being a human
is that my mind (the addict/alcoholic mind) is I suffer from Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder.
I've spent a lot of time in my mind dreaming of something new, better, the best.
"When I get the new one, everything will be better!"
So, if it's just a new guitar, thats not the end of the world. If it's a new wife, partner, woman -
that can be troublesome. If I need one more hit or one more drink, I am really in the deep end of the pool. The idea that I need one more is a farce. I do not. I WANT one more.....absolutely.
The "wanting" is part of my suffering. It is my condition and most folks can relate.
I have learned, through extensive study, that getting what I want does not make life any better.
I've dealt with the "wanting" almost all of my life. As a child I had a deep desire for more.
When I became an adolescent I turned to theft as a means of getting what I wanted.
That thievery carried into my young adult life and became a very common practice when I
became a full time junky. The ultimate obsession for me is "wanting" one more hit....one more drink.
Thinking that would solve all of my problems. But it never did, it just lead to a stronger desire for more...now...again...more.
What I have learned over my 16 plus years of sobriety is that "this too shall pass".
When I want something, I just wait and it will go away. Take my time. Give myself a break.
It's ok to want or desire material things, although knowing they will not make me completely happy,
but the wanting is just part of this life. The more I can control the wanting and use it to my
advantage, the better I feel about myself.
It is ok to "want" things, to dream and to enjoy the thoughtful process, but not all the time.
I have work to do and a life to live and responsibilities.
I try and make myself a gratitude list, almost daily in my head, but sometimes on a sheet of paper.
That will usually put things into perspective.
My best understanding is to want what I already have, and for me life is complete.
Gratitude Is an action work and it takes daily effort to be grateful.
When I am feeling very envious, it is time to get out of myself and do for others through service work. It is almost impossible to be feel selfish and self centered when I am helping others.
Today I am grateful. The grass is never greener than it is right in front of me.
I have everything I need today and then some.
Peace, Love, Zito.
